Ordinary and Outstanding

My grandmother Clea is the owner and director of a private elementary school in my hometown. I studied there between 1998 and 2008. During these 10 years, one of the things I would hear the most was that I did not perform as well as some other students. I needed to be outstanding.

But performing outstandingly implies on comparing yourself to others back to back. For a long time I would build my self image according to the others’ self images.

For that reason, if I were in a classroom in which I knew for a fact that students were not as skilled as I was in that specific subject (let’s say English), my self-esteem would become absurdly high. I would feel confident, willing to participate more and even help everyone else around me.

This confident person would soon give place to a very scarred puppy, though, when Chemistry classes would start. I would then be someone who needed that help I once offered.

Question is, would I be known as an intelligent fierce student by my classmates? Or would Chemistry ruin this image?

There I came to understand that we are not always the same, and carrying on a fixed established image is rather tiring.

Everyone can be as complex as we are, and with complexity comes contradictions, which should be seen as something to enhance one’s self image rather than stain it.

And what is image but a (flat) representation?

My grandmother had to portray herself as a very strict, dictatorial person in order to achieve many things as a school director. My classmates have always been afraid of her. However, I knew her true colours and I know how sweet and caring she is.

For my classmates, director Clea was always the same. For me, she was much more complex. We are not always the same although we think some people are.

I am now trying to look within myself (rather than at myself in the mirror), find my true colours and show them willingly – be them ordinary or outstanding.

Or maybe both.

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