The Hard Truth of Relationship.

Fights in any relationship are common but is mistakingly frowned upon. It just goes to show there are two strong head, caring individuals who are simply passionate about different things. Nothing wrong with that.

But when do you draw the line? When do you say enough is enough?

It is not doubt the hardest question for anyone in a relationship who truly cares about their partner.

My partner and I have been dating for close to two years now. We live together but frequently have to travel board for work purposes. This morning I woke up this morning at 2am, I reached over to my phone to message my partner who was on the other side of the world only to begin a conversation which soon turned into a argument. Not a the best start to the day right? Hours pasted as we frantically replied to each others harsh comments which we soon regretted we ever said. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I tucked my head further into my quilt. What I thought would be a heated ‘creative discussion’ soon turned into the end of our two year relationship.

How did we get here? What did I do wrong? Why can’t he understand me?
A million questions were running through my head at once with no answers.

We argued about the same things over and over; compromising, prioritising and respecting which could have been changed with a little bit of effort from other parties. However the pitfall of our relationship was none other than a lack of communication.

If you have been together with someone for long time you naturally get accustom to their behaviour, their habits and routine.You begin to learn what gets them mad, what makes them upset and what makes them happy. But its hard to know what they are actually thinking. You will never know what they are actually thinking until you ask.

For me, I had a issue with my boyfriend’s friends. He had never introduced me to them as majority of this close friends lived in a different country, he would secretively talk to them and hide Skype conversations to his close girlfriends. At some point I just lost trust which ended up making a simple conversation with his friends a emotional trigger in our relationship. To solve this issue I asked him not to hide conversation with his friends from me and simple tell me the truth. Although we had a solution to the problem which worked for a few months, he started to hide Skype conversation again. I soon realised that the solution was never addressing the underlying issue; the lack of communication.

We had seemed to resolve this issue in the heat of the argument this morning. He had assumed my jealously was the root of our arguments over his friends. A reasonable assumption but absolutely false. I was upset because after two year in a relationship I has not been introduction in person or over Skype to his friends, something which I failed to communicate to him. Because of this simple miscommunicate and false assumptions a relationship was strained for so long.

It is unknown whether we felt uncomfortable sharing these facts with each other, felt restricted or just assumed our assumptions where correct. Although my partner and I had other issues which lead to our break up, they all seemed to stem from the lack of communication. As our communication slowly disintegrated so did our relationship. Simple but dangerous assumptions we made about each other’s behaviours which led to our downfall.

Whether you are single, in a new relationship or married for 5 years, you are able to keep this in mind, discover the true reason behind your and your partner’s actions to avoid simple arguments and miscommunication. Ask yourself do you know why you feel the way you do? Does your partner know that reason? Does he assume something else? Do you assume something about him? Are to listening to your partner to understand them?

At the end of the day, you are two individuals that care deeply about each other. A small discussion with your partner today can help resolve bigger miscommunications later in the future.

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