Have you heard the sound of your cry?

I rolled over to the other side of the bed to answer a late-night call. The ringtone was blaring my ears, and I could barely keep my annoyance seeping through the words when I said hello to the person on the other side. The hello goes unanswered. I had a long day, similar to any other hectic day in the life of a young adult, and had no patience for whosoever the person was on the other side of the phone.

Bringing the phone closer to my face, I looked at the familiar name on the screen. I put the phone to my ears once more to say greetings which again went unheard. Maybe it was the poor network connection or an accident call. I thought to myself as I was about to press end when I heard a voice crack into a cry. I wanted to say words of comfort and wisdom, but I sat there and listened close to a sound that I had never heard before.

The faint inaudible whimpering soon grew into a louder wailing. Heavy sighs, sniffling, halted breathing, stammering, and whining, randomly took turns to keep my senses engaged. The disenchanting sound was just not a cry but an assorted cry. I could hear the sadness, anger, embarrassment, frustration, disappointment, fear, panic, pain, and hopelessness without a word said at all.

As much absurd as it may sound, but this cry felt surreal. Fact or fantasy, but to cry audibly is a luxury I cannot afford. I am convinced to believe that crying meant weakness. And weaknesses are not meant to be displayed. Therefore, the lost battles couldn’t tear me up and failed to waver my lips in pain loudly. The cry I mastered didn’t make any sound. The cry, I cried, never made past the closed doors.

To this date, I don’t know if crying out loud is any better than a muffled cry. But, to not know how I sound when I cry is such a shame! Would it have made any difference if crying was not looked down on and perceived as weakness?

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