Bringing an Elderly Parent Home

Tough decisions in the coronavirus pandemic

We got the call eight days ago. The assisted living facility where my 102-year-old mother lives would be closed to visitors effective at midnight. We follow the news of the coronavirus closely and were not surprised.

In fact, my husband and I already had been talking about how to bring my mother to live in our house when the coronavirus arrived in northern Maine. As the sweep of infected states moved northward, we began to lay plans to move her Into our home. After the call, we kicked into high gear.

My mother thrives at her age despite short-term memory loss and dementia, in part because she has a retinue of supporters who help maintain her. In addition to the assisted living staff of housekeepers, kitchen and dining personnel and medicine providers, my mother is fortunate to have aides who assist her directly throughout the day, getting her washed and dressed in the morning then preparing special drinks and foods throughout the day to keep her hydrated and her systems functioning well. Without her aides, she would not be able to function in the assisted living residence and would be asked to leave.

We knew that moving her out of the assisted living home was a huge responsibility, but my husband and I could not put her in a nursing home or memory care unit. I’ve been in enough nursing homes — even worked as an aide in one as a teenager — to know that my mother would spiral downward in one of them.

We had to move quickly to remove my mother from her room. I explained the urgency to a local mover who sent a crew on a Saturday. My husband and sister, who was visiting from California, packed her clothes and bedding and four hours later my mother entered our home.

I know our situation is not unique. The coronavirus has uprooted daily routines around the world as young children run through the house all day instead of going to school. Adults fortunate to have jobs work from home, trying to maintain professional demeanors while youngsters shriek in the background.

Living with a 102-year-old has its own set of challenges. My mother has short-term memory loss and constantly needs to be reassured. She still asks 100 times a day why she moved into our house and about where she used to…

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