Things Nobody Tells You When You Get Married

Keep good expectations from your marriage. Don’t enter the marriage with a negative mindset. With that being said, always keep realistic expectations from your spouse. Expecting a fairy tale cakewalk is neither fair nor healthy.

You want something good, say it. You are happy, say it. If you want him to do a certain thing, say it. Most men are relatively zero in picking non-verbal cues. Dropping hints will serve you no good while creating unnecessary confusion in the relationship because you think you’ve dropped some key hints but most of those clearly went flying above his head.

Never involve a third party of any kind in your relationship and that includes parents on both sides. Unless you are seeking help or advice from a trustable, wise elder if you have a very troubled marriage. The good times and the disagreements, are to remain between you and your spouse. Privacy is healthy.

Choose your battles wisely. Avoid disputes over petty issues. Try to be the bigger person, better things await you. Stand up for yourself if needed while keeping in mind, peace is more important than winning minor arguments.

Every family has a prick. Regardless. If it is not your husband then it doesn’t matter who the prick is, it could be your mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law or some distant cousin.

Regardless of their behaviour towards you be nice. It is important to men that the woman they marry gets along with their family. Just like it is important to you that he treats your parents with respect. He will respect you more when you let little inconveniences caused by his side of the family slide away.

Cherish the little things. Showing gratitude is worth it. Spouses who feel appreciated by their partners will deliberately make an extra effort to keep it that way. Being compassionate puts you in a win-all situation.

In the frenzy of a new house and a new spouse, remember that your relationship with Allah is still your first priority. It can be difficult to balance the new chaos along with the old ones but don’t lose Allah in the process.

This piece was written by Dr Afreen Razvi for Surkh. Dr Afreen is a writer and editor for Surkh alongside raising her chaotic toddler and houseplants. Her work had been featured in other magazines and blogs.

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