The Affair

A short tale of forbidden love.

It started for the same reason as most. I was lonely and a little lost. Seeking connection, comfort, purpose… I never intended it to go this far.

It was nothing more than a flirtation at first. Harmless, really. Just enough to fill the cup. A light touch, a longing glance… Not something that keeps you up at night. Certainly not something you think about all the time. Something you begin to crave… bordering on obsession.

Though if it was… Was it as bad as all that? Was it as forbidden and unattainable as I once thought?

After all, why shouldn’t we allow ourselves to give in to something that makes us feel? That breathes new life into us and give us a reason to look forward to the new day? Everyone has secrets. I shouldn’t have to tell mine. It’s about time I had something just for me. Something to break up the monotony of living the same day over and over again.

Maybe it will never be something I can uproot my life for. Maybe I’ll have to learn to be satisfied with the slow burn in the background of my real life. The life where I am wife, mother, daughter, sister, professional…

The guilt is something I will learn to carry. It isn’t right to live out the fantasy. That’s why it’s called a fantasy, right? Something that you talk about, dream about, wish for but know in your heart of hearts could never truly be. You are raised to fit the mould, tick the box, honour commitments, and be responsible.

You could never do something so reckless. So uncertain.

Imagine if they knew where my heart truly lay. It’s not that I don’t love my life. I have just always had this burn for more. It felt greedy and selfish to take it. But I’m done with that. If the pursuit of one’s essential nature is greedy and selfish, then paint me with that brush. I’ll wear the smear on my reputation with pride when push comes to shove.

But for now, I’d like to keep my little secret just a while longer. Maintain the thrill of sneaking away for my moments of bliss—a little slice of heaven to break up the weight of the day. The passion that spurs from knowing the time I have is finite and precious.

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